The Parent and Child Linkage

with mom

Understanding your child is one of the most important things that you should learn as a parent. It is very helpful in becoming effective in guiding and nurturing your child as they grow and mature. You need to bear in mind that your child has a unique personality trait that remains consistent throughout life.

One of the ways you can understand your child is by observing them as they sleep, eat, or play. Look for the consistent traits. Which activities do they like best? Is adjusting to changes easy for them or do they need time to become familiar with these things? These things are the normal characteristics of a child and your child may not be an exception.

As much as possible, have time to talk to your children as this is crucial to gaining information and understanding. In the case of young children, they require less verbal language and more facial expression and body language in order to understand their thoughts and feelings. Asking them questions will allow them to share their feelings to you.

Self-esteem is a major key to success in life. The development of a positive self-concept or healthy self-esteem is extremely important to the happiness and success of children and teenagers. A positive parent-child relationship provides the framework and support for a child to develop a healthy respect and regard for self and for others. Children crave time with parents. It makes them feel special. Parents are encouraged to find time to spend playing with their kids on a regular basis. This should include one to one with each child and group time with all of the adults and kids in the home. If you are a single parent or have an only child, occasionally invite family or friends over to play.

For one reason or another, some children do not develop social skills as easily as others. They may earnestly seek peer relationships and then, having endured rebuffs, if not downright cruelty, retreat to the safety of home, family, and their own company. There is probably nothing so painful for a parent as the rejection of his child. Parents need to take the long view of social problems and to map out a plan to solve them quite as carefully and thoughtfully as they would consider academic or health problems. There are guidelines which, if followed, will help these children if the parent is willing to take time and initiative.

Most parents will encounter a few bumps in the road as their child moves from baby to teen to adult. Be resourceful in giving advises.


Why A Great Marriage Demands Great Sex

One of the most frequent client complaints I get is about a sexless marriage. While sometimes, in case of illness or injury, a complete sexual experience is not possible in a partnership, it is always best to engage in whatever level sexual activity is available to the couple. Marriage without sex is vulnerable to temptation.

Don’t kid yourselves that you can be just best friends and have a lasting marriage. Sooner or later, temptation will arise, either from a partner’s co-worker, another member of the church choir, (this happens a surprising amount) or a neighbor. The drive to have sex is powerful, and it will be satisfied, one way or another. Don’t you want to satisfy your needs with your partner?

Keeping love and sex alive in your relationship is what keeps it active and healthy. A good sex life is like the roots that anchor a tree. To keep that vital energy going (and the sap rising!), you need to continually provide something new and interesting. Seduction can be as simple as causing your partner to ask what you’ve been doing that has you so energized and interested. When you’re enthusiastic, you’re seductive and at your most attractive.

Relationships continue to develop in stages, even after the honeymoon is over.In the development of intimacy, love matures and becomes reality-based. It’s the time where the magic fades; both of you begin to relax and show your innermost, less perfect selves. You’re beginning to get to know each other, warts and all. You may feel vulnerable and awkward. In this stage, you may argue, struggle for power, become irritable and unreasonable. The fear that your lover will not like this more realistic view of you arises. As a result, both partners need and have trouble providing reassurance and personal space. Many relationships don’t make it through this stage, because if the partners don’t understand or expect this change, it can feel like something is terribly wrong.

Here are four simple steps to create a successful marriage – complete with lots of intimacy:

1. Talk frequently and honestly to each other about your frustrations, sex, anger, disappointment, your appreciation of each other, the meaning of life… talk about everything.
2. Strive to work together to solve anything that comes up. Be a team and a partnership. Don’t get stuck on who’s right or wrong. Focus on what will solve the problem.
3. Keep your connection going through communication, sex, affection, understanding and concern for each other.
4. Have a sense of humor, give the benefit of the doubt and care about each other.

When your relationship lasts for a while, your lovemaking will change. As you get closer, passion no longer grows automatically out of the excitement of the new and unknown. Rather than allowing your energy to subside, you can allow your sex lives to change and grow, deepening as your partnership does. Couples who develop a sexual repertoire which includes a variety of habits, attitudes and options report feeling more satisfaction and freedom to express their love with enough variety that they never get bored. These suggestions will help you create a variety of experiences together.


These are ways to enjoy sex when you don’t really have time for a full, leisurely romantic evening: Try oral sex before you leave for work, petting to climax in the car at a drive-in movie, using toys to have orgasms without a lot of foreplay late at night, or taking a nap and having a “quickie” before rushing off to a party.

Sneaky Sex:
This has the added excitement of forbidden fruit: having silent sex behind locked doors while the children are watching TV or sneaking lovemaking in your childhood bedroom while visiting your parents.

Romantic Sex:
This is the full-blown variety: candlelight, dinner, quiet talking, dressing up, perhaps a lovely hotel room or a romantic dinner for two when you have time alone at home. This is especially good for anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, or anytime your relationship needs a boost.

New Couple Sex:
Recreate a scene from your dating days, as closely as possible: the time you met at church and couldn’t wait to get home and make love, the flowers you used to bring home as a surprise, or saying all the silly, wildly-in-love things you would whisper “way back then.”

Make-up Sex:
After you’ve had an argument or a struggle and forgiven each other, lovemaking can be extra tender and memorable.

Comforting Sex:
When one of you is sad or stressed, and the other acts in a way that is caring and soothing, sex can feel comforting and safe. This is a celebration of your long-time bond and how hard you’ve worked to maintain it.

Relaxing Sex:
This is a great activity for a weekend morning when you have no obligations and can laze around, have breakfast in bed, and make love for as long as you want. There’s no pressure, no hurry and no demands on each other.

Reassuring Sex:
This is manifested in affection and intimacy intended to reassure a partner who is temporarily insecure, or designed to reaffirm your mutual love and commitment to each other. It is often accompanied by many verbal declarations of love and explaining again why you are so important to each other.

Fantasy Sex:
Act out all the silly, forbidden or exciting fantasies you’ve been harboring: nurse and patient, “playing house,” master or dominatrix and slave, stripper and customer, extraterrestrial alien and abductee, famous movie star and adoring fan, your two favorite characters from a soap opera, novel or movie… or anything else you can imagine. This is a great time for costumes, masks, toys, outfits, or whatever enhancements you enjoy.


Strategies for Managing the Day After a Bad Night’s Sleep

sleep management of day

Most everybody has experienced at least a night or two of poor sleep. And many millions of us do so on a regular basis. A bad night’s sleep can leave us feeling anxious about making it through the next day. Will we have the energy, the focus, and the emotional wherewithal to do so? Is it even possible to have a good day after a bad night?

Yes, it is. I’ve frequently been surprised by people reporting okay days after seriously sleepless nights. In large part, this is a testament to the human capacity for resilience. But it’s also a direct result of using sensible strategies to manage the day after.

1. Adjust your attitude. Begin by accepting and even forgiving last night’s sleeplessness and today’s sleepiness. Judging yourself about poor sleep will only further sap your energy. Can you think of a time when you or someone you know did all right despite little sleep? Stay open to that possibility. Let family, friends, or coworkers know you had a rough night and ask for their support.

2. Go with the flow… and slow with the ebb. Like all living things, humans are biologically programmed to ebb and flow through cycles of energy and rest throughout the day. Our energy levels will naturally fluctuate even after a good night’s sleep. And, of course, these fluctuations will be more pronounced after a challenging night. Use energy when it flows and let yourself slow and rest when it ebbs. Resisting or actively battling waves of tiredness will only squander more of the limited energy we have. When we yield to our need for rest, we’ll likely experience a refreshing buoyancy.

3. Plan to procrastinate. When our energy is compromised, it makes sense to minimize any and all non-essential activity. Get clear on your objectives for the day and let yourself put off until tomorrow anything that doesn’t absolutely need to be done today. Yes… this is a day when procrastination can actually be helpful. As Ellen DeGeneres once said, “Procrastinate now — don’t put it off!”

4. Get creative. Ebbing energy does not necessarily mean you’ll be drawn to sleep — it’s simply an invitation to rest. In rest we become less focused and attentive. We loosen our rational hold on the mind, allowing it to meander, get dreamy, and be more creative. When feasible, engage in activities that call for creativity. Highly creative individuals such as Thomas Edison and Salvador Dali actually facilitated their creativity by intentionally depriving themselves of sleep.

5. Follow your usual routine. Get up and out of bed at your typical rising time and set your sights on adhering to a normal schedule. Prepare for your day as you usually do, get some gentle exercise, and have regular, healthful and light meals. A cup or two of green tea might be helpful. It has only one-fifth the caffeine of a cup of brewed coffee and also contains L-theanine, a naturally soothing compound. And make sure to stay hydrated.

6. Light up your day. Get exposed to bright light for about 30 minutes as soon as possible after rising. Morning light energizes us and improves our mood by boosting serotonin levels. It also resets our circadian clock, contributing to better sleep in the future. Even on a cloudy day, it’s significantly brighter outdoors than in a well-lit room. If you can’t get out, brighten your indoor space as much as possible by allowing light through windows and turning on electric lights.

7. Avoid ups and downs. Try to stay away from energy spikes caused by excessive caffeine, energy drinks, or sugary foods. Although consuming these might temporarily increase our energy, doing so inevitably triggers a rebound of sleepiness. Unless it’s essential, try to avoid going down for a nap. Napping will likely draw you into deeper stages of sleep, leaving you with sleep “drunkenness” and potentially disrupting your circadian rhythms. And avoid using alcohol to slow down before bed. It can interfere with the quality of our sleep and dreams.

8. Breathe briskly. If you need to boost your energy and alertness at any point during the day, consider using a stimulating yogic breathing technique known as the Bellows Breath. With your mouth closed, inhale and exhale rapidly through the nose with very short in-and-out breaths of equal duration. Imagine your belly is a bellows pumping one to three full breaths per second. Limit this practice to rounds of 15 seconds to begin with and gradually increase it by 5-second increments to a maximum of one minute. (Check with your physician prior to using the Bellows Breath if you have any health concerns.)

9. Be extra careful. Maybe it goes without saying that certain precautions are in order. It’s now common knowledge that even minimal sleep loss can impact our physical and mental abilities. Even during periods of energy flow, our reaction time and judgment are compromised by poor sleep. Exercise due caution in all matters that require careful attention, especially driving and operating machinery.

10. Finishing your day. Take time to wind down and relax in the evening. Eat a light dinner and stick to your regular bedtime. Of course, your chances of sleeping better the night after are improved because absence does, indeed, make the heart grow fonder. Let this heightened awareness of sleep’s value strengthen your resolve about systematically doing all you can to heal your sleep. Promise yourself that you will make healthy sleep a priority.

Credit: Huffington post

Addictive Foods, According To Science


Food Addiction Rating: 3.73
Chocolate has long been thought of as an indulgence. A study at Drexel University found that people experienced craving and pleasure when eating chocolate similar to the feeling people get when they take drugs. In terms of what it will do for your waistline, you’ll consume 210 calories from a single Hershey’s chocolate bar, and 13 grams of fat.


2.Potato chips (tied with chocolate)
Food Addiction Rating: 3.73
Tying for second place, chips are a snacker’s best friend (or enemy, depending on how you see it). No one can eat just one. Research presented to the 2013 meeting of the American Chemical Society found that when given the choice between potato chips and their regular food, rats overwhelmingly chose potato chips, which had a marked effect on their brain behavior. The rats ate to excess for pleasure rather than for hunger, according to the study’s main researcher, Dr. Tobias Hoch, Ph.D. Nutritionally, chips are loaded with fat. A serving of 30 chips will set you back 320 calories and a whopping 20 grams of fat.


Food Addiction Rating: 3.71
A much-touted study at Connecticut College found that Oreo cookies were as addictive as cocaine when given to rats. Though there have been several critics of the study, other studies have found that there is truth to the sugar-drug connection. Read more about it here. In terms of nutrition, four small chocolate chip cookies have 192 calories and 10 grams of fat.

ice cream

4.Ice cream
Food Addiction Rating: 3.68
The creaminess is what draws you in, but it’s also your undoing. By virtue of what ice cream is—cream and milk—it contains very high levels of bad-for-you saturated fat. That means eating ice cream regularly isn’t great for your weight. One serving of Ben & Jerry’s vanilla ice cream, for example, contains 230 calories and 14 grams of fat.



Food Addiction Rating: 3.60
They’re crispy and delicious, which makes you crave more, but fried foods like French fries have been linked to a potentially harmful substance called acrylamide, which according to the FDA, has been shown to cause certain kinds of cancer in animals. While more research is being done, nutritional experts suggest cutting down eating fried foods. The nutritional info on French fries is also cause to pause, with a large order of McDonald’s fries having an astonishing 510 calories and 24 grams of fat.


Food Addiction Rating: 3.51
The cheesy goodness is enough to make you swoon, but cheeseburgers also pack a lot of artery-hardening components including saturated fat and sodium. A Burger King cheeseburger has 270 calories, 12 grams of fat, and 630 mg of salt (which is almost half of the daily recommended amount, according to the American Heart Association.)


Food Addiction Rating: 3.29
One thing’s for sure, we love our soda! The average American drinks about 40 gallons of it a year, and if that isn’t enough to blow your mind, we consume over 6 tablespoons of added sugar a day, half of which comes from sugary drinks. Soda has also been linked to obesity, high blood pressure and cancer. Your best bet: stick to water!


Food Addiction Rating: 3.26
Rich and chocolaty, red velvety, vanilla swirly—who doesn’t melt at a piece of cake? One study even claims that eating a breakfast that’s high in protein, carbohydrates and includes a dessert like cake, can actually help you lose weight. But most other researchers agree: cake generally contains a lot of not-so-good-for-you processed sugar and fat. A slice of chocolate cake with


Credit: Huffingpost

Things to know about Fibromyalgia

Pain picture

Pain—whether it’s an achy joint or a sensitive limb—is agony enough by itself. But when you can’t figure out what’s causing the pain? Then it can feel more like torture.

Unfortunately, that kind of torture is the daily struggle for the 5 million Americans who suffer from fibromyalgia—a condition characterized by pain or tenderness that comes and goes and moves throughout the body, according to the American College of Rheumatology.

“People complain of total-body pain not diagnosable by other causes,” says Jon Kaiser, MD, who has treated and researched pain conditions like fibromyalgia for 25 years. He adds: “There’s not a whole lot of agreement on the underlying mechanism that causes the pain associated with fibromyalgia.”

That’s frustrating for fibromyalgia sufferers. But there’s a lot researchers like Kaiser have learned in recent years that can shed light on this pain-inducing disease. (Want to pick up some healthier habits? Sign up to get daily healthy living tips delivered straight to your inbox!)

Here’s what you need to know—but have probably never heard—about fibromyalgia.

It’s not all about pain.

Along with the aching and tenderness, many fibromyalgia sufferers also experience stiffness (especially in the morning), tingling or numbness in their hands or feet, sleeping issues, headaches, problems sleeping, and severe fatigue, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

It’s diagnosable.
Just because the source of the pain remains in question doesn’t mean doctors can’t diagnose fibromyalgia. “The American College of Rheumatology came out with 18 trigger points, or sites,” Kaiser explains. “If you feel pain in 11 of the 18 sites”—and assuming tests have ruled out other conditions—”I can diagnose fibromyalgia,” Kaiser says.

It seems to stem from your nervous system

“The most commonly held belief is that there is a disorder in the nervous system that changes the threshold at which pain is perceived,” Kaiser says. Research backs him up: A 2015 study from Germany found the nervous systems of fibromyalgia sufferers respond to pain differently than those of non-sufferers.

stress pix

Stress may bring it on.

“Many of my patients talk about having a lot of physical and psychological stress leading up to the appearance of the condition,” Kaiser says. This stress may somehow cause a breakdown or change in the way the nervous system operates, which then leads to pain, he adds.

So might a shortage of vitamin D.
People dealing with chronic and widespread pain are more likely to be low on vitamin D than those who are pain free, found a 2015 study in the journal Pain Physician. Since it’s difficult to overdo it with vitamin D, consider adding a supplement to your diet.

It’s closely related to another condition.
Kaiser says fibromyalgia—in his experience—is closely related to chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS). “They share many of the same symptoms, particularly pain and fatigue,” he says. “But while the fatigue is more prominent among chronic fatigue patients, pain is more prominent among fibromyalgia patients.” One notable difference: Kaiser says fibromyalgia seems to come on gradually and build over time, while CFS can come on very quickly and reach full strength in a matter of days.

It’s more common in women than men.
Women are three times more likely than men to suffer from fibromyalgia, Kaiser says—though he can’t say why this is the case. Also, while it could appear at any age, fibromyalgia tends to affect women in their 40s and older, he says. “There also seems to be a genetic component that causes it to run in families.”

Drugs can help.
Kaiser says there are 3 FDA-approved drugs that doctors use to treat the pain associated with fibromyalgia: duloxetine (Cymbalta), milnacipran (Savella), and pregabalin (Lyrica). “These drugs can block the pain signals, but they don’t do anything to address the underlying issues,” he says.

That’s why you need more than a pill.
Sufferers often find relief through physical activity, range of movement exercises, stress reduction techniques like yoga, and a healthy diet, Kaiser says. “It’s not just about treating the pain with pills,” he adds. “Lifestyle changes can help address the underlying causes of the pain.”

It can be cured.
A combination of drugs and lifestyle changes can totally and permanently banish fibromyalgia. “Some people will improve a certain percentage and then just have to manage the symptoms that remain,” Kaiser says. “But others are totally rid of the disease, and that’s always the goal.”



Health benefits of kissing

kid 3

Ah, the kiss. It can be so many things: sweet, loving, awkward, intense, transporting, disappointing, boring, sublime, life altering.

On the delicious and passionate side of the spectrum, a smooch can be a heart-healthy micro workout, a hormone releaser and a mood booster. It’s also fun — and a great way to connect with the person you care about.

“Sex, as wonderful as it is, can be perfunctory,” says Andréa Demirjian, author of “Kissing: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about One of Life’s Sweetest Pleasures.”

“Kissing is intimate: You’re right there in the space of your soul. It gets to the core of your heart and spirit because it’s such a lovely way to express and receive love and affection. A kiss a day really can keep the doctor away.”

1. Kissing helps reduce blood pressure

Making out isn’t just good for your emotional heart, it gives your anatomical one a workout, too. “Kissing passionately gets your heartbeat revved in a healthy way that helps lower your blood pressure,” says Demirjian. “It dilates your blood vessels — blood is flowing in a good, solid fashion and getting to all your vital organs.”

2. Kissing zaps cramps and headaches

“Kissing is great if you have a headache or menstrual cramps,” says Demirjian. You may be inclined to wave away advances when you’re curled into an achy ball, but the blood-vessel dilation brought on by a good long smooching session can really help ease your pain. In fact, Demirjian recommends replacing the ol’ “Not tonight, dear — I have a headache” line with, “Honey, I have a headache. Come kiss me!”

3. Kissing fights cavities

A smooch-a-thon gets all, er, fluids flowing — including your saliva. “When you’re kissing, you’re secreting more saliva in your mouth,” says Demirjian. “That’s the mechanism that washes away the plaque on your teeth that leads to cavities.” (So much more fun than gargling!)

kid 2

4. Kissing amps up your happy hormones

“If you’re feeling stressed or rundown, a little kissing or lovemaking [is] actually the elixir you need to… feel better,” says Demirjian. “It will relax, restore and revitalize you…. The feel-good chemicals in the brain get percolating: serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin — things you can get from the rush of exercising.”

final frame

5. Kissing burns (a few) calories

It can’t compare to 30 minutes on the elliptical, but a vigorous makeout session can burn 8 to 16 calories per smooch, says Demirjian. “Kissing and lovemaking can be a vigorous exercise if you’re fully engaged,” she says. “You need to have a passionate kiss [in order to burn those calories], but it doesn’t have to be a 10-hour makeout session.”

booster6.Kissing boosts self-esteem

One German study found that men who got a nice juicy kiss from their wives before leaving for work made more money. “If he leaves his home happy, he’s more productive at work because he’s not feeling emotionally distressed, so he’s going to make more money,” explains Demirjian. “Kissing has so much to do with your self-esteem and feeling loved and connected.”

7. Kissing can give you a facelift (kind of)

Per Demirjian, deep kissing can shape up the neck and jawline, which are often trouble spots for those concerned about looking older. “Your mouth has a number of facial muscles,” she says. “When those are engaged in kissing, you can tighten and tone them.”

kid 1

8. Kissing is a barometer for sexual compatibility

It can be an excellent way to check out a potential partner for sexual compatibility before getting naked and emotionally involved, says Demirjian. But if your very first liplock with a new partner is meh, she recommends giving him or her one more shot.

“Sometimes during the first kiss, people are feeling awkward, nervous or embarrassed,” she says. “That might not breed the most seductive, sexy experience.” Second kiss is crappy, too? That’s your cue to take your lips — and the rest of you — elsewhere.